Newness I anticipate

I’m so excited about the whole moving-into-a-new-place thing. Though there’s still a month to it. It has already got me so jumpy, happy and excited.

Finally a respite from the sadness of hostel. Finally a place to call home. Finally something to look forward to, each day, after a tiring day of college and work.

We’d again have our songs, and we’d watch the movies again.

I’d not feel incomplete the way I feel now. The void because of his absence will be filled. There’ll be less days when we’d not see each other because at the end of the day, we would come back together under one roof.

You’d hold me close on a bad day and things would just seem perfect. Even though you do a good job over phone in calming me down.. it’d be a feeling out of the world when you’d be around me.

The early morning kisses, in sleep, when we’re feeling so cosy that you just wrap me so tightly and I sleep so comfortably in the warmth of your body.

Silly arguments, fight and the make-up love that follows.

The walks.. the long strolls on the road after a heavy dinner.

Me running my fingers through your beard.

The surprises I’d plan for you. The surprise flowers. Tea and coffee that I’d make and you’d drink no matter how sucky they turn out at times.

I’ve missed living with you for so long. I’m so happy you’re going to be back. And things will get back in place.

I learnt to fail

Then, there’ll be times when you’ll be there. When you’d have done everything you wanted to do when you were twenty years old, or thirty, or a few years younger. Then, there will be a moment of calm, an eerie silence, a void in the world of your dreams. Success can be scary. It will be scary. You’ll be solitary, you’ll be scrutinized and misinterpreted, you’ll be loved by many, but not for who you really are. The world wouldn’t know where to stop asking you for an encore. There will be times when the noise of encore will transcend from the ears of the entertainer to the ears of the human being who craves for silence. There will be a blurring of the boundary between the entertainer and the person, the beauty that is created and the beauty that really is. You will not be expected to stop. You will not be forgiven failures. That is why you need to know not just your passions but yourself. That is why you need to realize that you are more than your passions, you are also your failures and disappointments.

That is why you need to learn to forgive yourself.. even if the whole world tries to punish you.

That is why you need to learn to fail.

It is okay to be sad and upset. Things get better.

And I’ve learnt that isn’t shameful at all.